


It Must Be Another Kind of Love...Right?

by ultrafreakyfangirl



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:35:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28051029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultrafreakyfangirl/pseuds/ultrafreakyfangirl
Summary: Now, what they were was a mystery – maybe they were just two people caught in the middle of one mind-blowing kiss and words said that could never be taken back, a web that was built and impossible to get out of. Or maybe they were something else, and in the future that explosion of a kiss could translate into further activities, and her children may have the best step-father in the whole wide world.
Relationships: Meredith Grey/Alex Karev
Comments: 1
Kudos: 29





	It Must Be Another Kind of Love...Right?

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fic years ago for a friend who shipped these two - back when there may have been Mer/Alex potential and then I found their fic tag and well...rabbit hole. So thought I would post this and see how it receives. :) iT'S A LITTLE CRINGEY - KEEP IN MIND YEEEARS AGO - OR MAYBE THAT'S JUST ME but lol at the inadvertent Savage Garden reference at the end ha

She couldn’t possibly know where it was going to go – when his hand had gingerly caressed her cheek, making its presence felt there; it was warm, like that of a spring day, a warmth that was almost hot, yet the sharpness of the wind, the pang of her conscience, didn’t waste a moment, causing his touch to become chilled, as if it were immoral to have a reaction other than strictly amicable.

He was offering her comfort, and she knew that, she did, but even so, it was hard to deny that behind the rosiness of her cheeks, however slightly pale from the wintery weather, there was this rushing heat a heat which told her that she needed to be touched in this way, had yearned to be loved in this way, watched out for like this, ever since the death of her husband - when that luxury, that privilege, had left her too soon and too quick, without sign and blatant non-empathy.

She’d taken his kisses for granted – Derek’s. She would wake up in the morning, the sun drawing on her face with the precision of a painter’s hand, and she lean over to his side of the bed, teasing him, leaving her lips inches from his, until he was roused by the tantalizing nature of her giggle, or her mouth upon his, she unable to hold-out.

That next morning, the day after he’d died, it wasn’t like that; she was alone, awake but silent, encased in this perpetual grief, and she remembered fearing that it may never go away, and that from this day, she would be a widow - this tragic character of a woman who lost herself to the loss of her husband, unable to stand on her own, ever again.

She wasn’t such, or maybe, yes, she had been, but those months, that year, during which she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, a baby girl Derek would have loved unconditionally, had brought to her perspective, and made her realize that she _could_ be someone after Derek, that she _had_ been someone before.

It was a rash decision she’d made, to just up and leave, and still, nobody understood it; they may have attempted to, only receiving from her answers that were vague, unprepared until the second the questions were asked, improvised because even she hadn’t known why she’d done such a thing.

She hadn’t known a reason then, and any reason was escaping her now, leaping far from her anxious grasp every time she lifted her eyes and met his gaze; concerned, always concerned.

“Mer?” he asked, though it was gruff, yet soft, a tone which he’d seemed to master early on in meeting her, having always been there for her, even at the time of his jerk tendencies.

He took her hand in his and it was a light grasp, and there was the tiniest squeeze, letting her know, through words unspoken, that everything would be okay, that he would never let anything be less than such.

“Alex. Don’t. Don’t do this. Not right now. Because you’re gonna make me cry.”

She shifted on the bench and felt him do the same, his body weight transferring closer to where hers lay as his hands gripped her shoulders, and she knew there was a purpose here, something she was supposed to understand, by the way he held her now. So, she once again looked up into his eyes, at an unreadable expression behind a prevalence of concern.

“You know as well as I do that you rarely ever cry. So, shut up and listen to me, okay?”

“Yeah.” The hold on her shoulders became tighter, and slowly, his hands moved down her arms, across the cotton of her sleeves, as he spoke.

“It’s been three years Mer. He let go of you the day he died, because he knew it wasn’t right to keep you. Trust me, he wants this for you. He wants you to be happy, and you know that, deep down. I know you do.”

Meredith sniffled, saying nothing until he also stayed silent and she realized he’d done that as a curtesy, allowing her the opportunity to work out her thoughts, something she appreciated.

The two of them were sitting on a bench out front of the hospital, having only started this conversation because

Alex had caught her trying to conceal a pathetic excuse for tears on her way out. It was around nine in the evening when they’d first ended their respective shifts, but now, she had no assumption on the time. They could have been out here for just minutes, or maybe hours, but with him, the concept of time never seemed to matter. It was true he had a girlfriend to go home to, but never once on these occasions did he make her feel pressed, or like she was taking away from anything else of his, any plans he had, or any thoughts. He always made it about her when they’d talk like this, and it would be a lie to say that his action didn’t make her feel special, and incredibly lucky to have someone like him in her corner.

His hands had moved again to clutch her own, and they were an assuring warmth, something of comfort and another thing she could be wildly misinterpreting, something that caused these juvenile butterflies to relentlessly beat their wings against her stomach.

“I know. But it’s just so easy to think…There was three, Alex. None of them worked out. Will, that guy from Cardio Maggie tried to set me up with – “

“You don’t even remember his name!?”

“He was a – “

“Slobbery kisser. That’s right, you told me.”

Meredith laughed. “Let’s blame the tequila for that one. I’ll leave him with some dignity and manly pride.”

‘Sure,” Alex shrugged, shaking his head and upturning his mouth into a half-smile.

“And Riggs…” she flinched visibly, flashing back to that awkward, fumbling kiss at Joe’s a few months back. “That was just…”

She and Nathan’s relationship – if one could even call it that – was short-lived; it began as a drunken make out, and by the next day it had turned into a libidinous affair that she would rather pretend never happened. It was easier, and more forgettable that way.

“Yeah…” Alex finished her thought, picking up that she had not much else to say on the subject.

“But Mer, you’ll find someone. You’re sweet, probably the sweetest and most twisty woman I’ll ever know. And you’re great with your kids, what man wouldn’t find that attractive? And you’re career-driven, you’re an amazing surgeon who is so dedicated to her patients…honestly Mer, I could go on and on about you…you’re the closest friend I have and…”

By this point, his hands had travelled to her waist, but she wasn’t sure how long they’d been there, only distinctly aware of them now. The pads of his fingers were digging into the fleshy area between her hips and her thighs, and just as fast as her surprise came, it was made a struggle to breathe and a struggle to hear anything but the pounding of blood in her ears.

“Alex…” she could feel herself articulating these words, the sound of his name passing through her lips, the shyness and excitement absolutely pulverizing her tone,

but she couldn’t hear it; for all she knew, she could be speaking gibberish, or saying nothing at all. “What do you think you’re doing – “

His mouth upon hers was an acute interruption to her question, and the ability her body succumbed to as she reciprocated his kiss felt innate; when he moved in accommodation for her, there was no stalling as their tongues were quick to resume their roles, sending joules of passionate energy around the non-existent space between their bodies and within.

When they separated minutes later, too caught up to stop after just one touch, the repercussions of their decision hit her before him, and in reaction, she put her head into her hands, sighing heavily. On the other side of it, he remained silent, though he did appear to be confused, as if he couldn’t quite believe that what just happened, actually happened.

“Was that not appropriate? Oh – no, stupid question. Of course it wasn’t. I should have said it first…I should have said – was it good at least?”

Meredith removed her hands from over her eyes to glare up at him. “Are you serious, you bonehead? That’s what you’re asking me? ‘Was it good?’ Really?”

Her mocking him was a defense mechanism and he knew that from being friends with her long enough. Chuckling if only to ease the tension that was eating them both alive, Alex placed a hand on the small of her back, light, careful.

“It’s just a question Mer. Look, I’m sorry…that was…I jumped the gun.”

“Clearly,” she grumbled. “But that’s not why I’m…it was good, okay? It wasn’t _just_ good, it was _very_ good…and that’s not supposed to be how it goes, because you’re one of my best friends…I don’t get to do this…kiss my best friend after my poor husband dies...it’s not – “

“Yeah well,” Alex interjected, speaking over top of her, “I don’t get to kiss my best friend and cheat on my girlfriend all in the same night, but I also don’t get to have such strong feelings for said best friend, either. I like you, a lot – well, that’s obvious because we’re friends…but I love you too, I care for you a lot…which is also okay because we’re friends but I mean – dammit, I’m failing here.”

Meredith peeked up at him from in between her fingers, and the look in his eyes she was met with said a few things: he was struggling with an intense emotion, but he was also living out some sort of fantasy in his mind, one she found herself disgustingly longing to be a part of.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You always look so sexy when you do that, I don’t know…” he mumbled, incredibly bashful, a carnal blush rising to his cheeks and down his neck.

“Exactly _how long_ have you found me to be _sexy_ , Alex Karev?” she teased with a smile, wishing more than anything that she could somehow lighten the heaviness that was playing out in front of them.

In those few seconds between question and answer, it seemed to her that he had claimed some bravado, straightening up and speaking boldly now, while taking her face in his hands.

“Since the day I knew I was in love with you.”

There was a loud gasp and it had to have come from her mouth, because who else’s would it have, but it sure didn’t sound like herself. It sounded foreign and unfamiliar. New. There was a shadow in Alex’s eyes, which began to act out for her, every memory they’d had together, and a glimmer of what she saw as hope.

“I love you Mer. I’m _in_ love with you. And I know it’s kinda weird, because I thought so too, at first, but soon enough the feeling started to normalize and I knew that it wasn’t some crazed sexual desire and nothing else. And before you call me crazy, for loving two women, Jo and I – we’ve been going through rough patches - and before you say that my feelings for you are only because I’m missing how it was with Jo, and I need someone to

project that onto, that’s not it either. I’m not a bad guy, at least I don’t think I am, but loving two women is an odd situation, and I believe it does happen because it’s happened to me. The difference is, I love one woman more than the other; it will be hard, because it’s impossible to just throw the other to the side like she never mattered, because she does, very much, but I know that I can let her go to have the one I really want. The one I need. The one I can’t live without, Meredith. Do you see where I’m going with this?”

To put him out of his anticipation, she knew she’d have to say something, anything, but the words she wanted to say weren’t forming, mostly because she had no firm grasp on what reality was anymore.

“You….you love me-love me?” Oh, how she prided herself on her eloquence.

“Yes, I love you-love you. Where are we? In grade school?” he scoffed, shaking his head and putting the smallest amount of space between them.

“No,” Meredith sighed, “don’t move away.” She pulled him closer to her again, and leaned into his side.

In response, he let his lips just briefly touch her temple, but he was hesitant, she could tell, taking into account that before, the last time he’d done this, many times over, they’d only been friends. _Great_ friends. _Amazing_ friends. _Best_ friends.

Now, what they were was a mystery – maybe they were just two people caught in the middle of one mind-blowing kiss and words said that could never be taken back, a web that was built and impossible to get out of. Or maybe they were something else, and in the future that explosion of a kiss could translate into further activities, and her children may have the best step-father in the whole wide world.

In this moment though, as she pulled him up by the arm off of the bench and kissed him another time, she would never know.

After that, she watched him from her windshield, watched as he went back into the hospital to find an on-call room, and continued watching, even after his lumbering frame couldn’t be seen anymore.

Touching her fingers gently to her lips, she shut her eyes, letting out a large breath and replaying the moment over again in her mind. ‘ _I love you Mer. I’m **in** love with you.’ _The imagery was so vivid amongst her thoughts, and so she swore she could feel his soft breath there in the enclosed space, as if he were with her right then, so close, as he had been before.

_“I think I love you too, Alex. I think I’m truly, madly, deeply, in love with you.”_


End file.
